The War on Laptops Has Gone Too Far
A not-so-subtle cry for help in response to the dreaded “no-laptop policy”
Moving to New York City this past year meant that I could stay in my marketing role at Tala under one condition — I would have to work remotely, and I mean fully remotely. No standard office to work at, no hybrid set-up, and most tragically, no Tala café to linger at while distracting my coworkers.
Instead, for some reason or another, I decided to trade the comfort of the Tala HQ office for a comically minuscule, classic New York apartment with barely enough room for a bed, let alone a desk. Ok, perhaps I’m being a bit dramatic (I do have a desk, at least), but the moral of the story is, you always want what you can’t have. And right now, I can’t, for the life of me, find a comfortable “third space” to work in without first risking public humiliation.
As most remote workers and New Yorkers alike can probably relate to, enough time spent in a shoebox apartment staring at your laptop for hours on end is enough to make even the most sane human go a little insane. Which is why, more often than not, you’ll find us all crammed into our favorite neighborhood cafés, laptops out, headphones in, heads down, working.
But what happens when you don’t have a favorite neighborhood spot? Or when you want to try somewhere new? Well, I’ll tell you exactly what happens, from first-hand experience.
*I feel obligated to preface the fact that this is unfortunately not an isolated event*
Last night, I stayed up well past my bedtime searching for a café to work at in proximity to my favorite Turkish grocery store, where I would ultimately purchase my post-work treat. The plan was simple: find a coffee shop the night before, mindlessly make the journey there in the morning, work there for a few hours, leave, acquire my post-work treat, enjoy it in the park by my lonesome, decompress, and then go home. But alas, as predicted, things did not go according to plan. In this city, they never do, for better or for worse.
As a self-proclaimed coffee shop connoisseur, finding a café that catches my eye is no small feat — but against all odds, and perhaps fueled by 1 a.m. delusion, I did just that. I won’t name names (out of fear that I will be reprimanded for my unwarranted café slander), but let’s just say it seemed like a good one. It had great reviews, they had a restroom (the bare minimum, one would think), and it looked like a great place to rot in front of my laptop for a considerable amount of time.
The next morning, as planned, I woke up and made my way to said undisclosed café. I ordered a properly sized cappuccino (😉), miraculously acquired a table, sat down, opened my laptop, and got to work. But before I could even curate a queue of work-worthy songs on Spotify, not two minutes into enjoying my coffee, I was approached by the barista, who uttered the exact words I did not want to hear.
“I am so sorry, but unfortunately, we do have a strict no-laptop policy.”
Great. Every remote worker’s worst nightmare.
I could feel the peripheral glare of my neighboring latte-enjoyer while he judged me in a way that suggested I had just broken a commonly known law of the universe. As if he had known I would break the rules, and even worse, he wanted me to as a means of entertaining himself in such an under-stimulating, laptop-less environment.
Humbling, but can you blame the guy?
“How dare she bring her laptop into this perfectly standard cafe?”, he was probably thinking.
And he was right — how dare I?
He glanced over and chuckled to himself as I surrendered, stuffing my laptop back into my bag in an attempt to conceal the evidence of my newfound shame.
As I said, can you blame him?
I sat there for about twenty minutes and journaled as a means of validating the purchase of my $7 cappuccino, and, more importantly, to avoid the immediate embarrassment of leaving the café right after “breaking the rules”.
Eventually, I got up and set out on my walk of shame to a new, laptop-friendly café where I begrudgingly purchased yet another $7 cappuccino.
I’m not the type of person who gets embarrassed easily, but truthfully, as a grown adult, there is nothing more humbling than being targeted in a public space just to be told that you’re breaking a rule you didn’t even know existed — let alone one you don’t believe in — all while a cute boy is sitting at the table next to you. But alas, I should’ve done more extensive research, considering Google’s AI-generated description of said café lacked one very crucial detail.
To me, the situation carried the same emotional weight as being singled out by your seventh-grade teacher for talking over her in class. Or, in less juvenile terms, like getting kicked out of the bar with your friends when you’ve had a bit too much to drink, after you accidentally slip up and stumble in front of the bouncer — except in that scenario, there’s at least a chance you won’t remember the shame the next day.
And while I understand the logic behind no-laptop policies — cafés don’t want people camping out for six hours over a single drip coffee while occupying valuable seating — I still can’t help but find the whole thing a little absurd. Because at what point did coffee shops and laptops become sworn enemies? We’ve collectively agreed that cafés are places to read books for three hours, journal about our feelings, and have four-hour first dates that go nowhere. But open up Microsoft Excel for twenty minutes, and suddenly you’re a threat to society?
If anything, remote workers are among the most reliable customers on Earth. We’re buying coffee, snacks, second coffees, emergency pastries, and occasionally an unnecessary treat simply because we feel guilty for existing. In other words, personally, if I’m working from a café that I actually enjoy, I’m spending enough money to justify a small sponsorship deal. But hey, that’s their loss.
Maybe that’s why I’ve never fully bought into the no-laptop policy, even as a former barista myself. To me, cafés have always felt like community spaces first and businesses second. Like places where people gather, linger, think, work, read, date, and occasionally (often) spiral. The laptop just happens to be the modern version of carrying around a pen and paper.
So, long story short, the next time you’re searching for a café to work at, do yourself a favor. Save yourself the money, save yourself the embarrassment, and do your research.
Or just visit one of our three laptop-friendly café locations. 😉
Or don’t, because then, you too can write a blog about it.
Rachel Severyns
Meet Rachel, our long-distance Marketing Operations Manager and a familiar face at our Libertyville café. A loyal stripes enthusiast and daily cappuccino devotee, her whimsical spirit shines through in everything she does. Although she now calls New York City home, you just might spot her behind the bar from time to time, jumping in for a shift whenever she’s back in town.